Okay people...you know those moments where you just can't put a finger on what you're going through exactly...yeap. I'm going through those moments. And it's damn frustrating cause if I know what's bugging me, then I can find a solution but heck no! I don't know what it is so how in the world am I suppose to find a damn cure. Dang it!
Its like I'm waiting. Waiting for what? I don't know. Its like my life is stuck. It wants to move and do something but my life is jammed up a tube that has no exit. You know what I mean. But somehow, I think I'm getting a picture of the biggest bugger...no, not booger...but bugger, that is messing up my main brain system. And my heart. There's this one "friend" that keeps popping into my head. And I hate the fact that I let that "friend" into my life. No regret, just annoyed. Oh, my so called "friend" is having the time of his life now. Sure. And now, I am forgotten. Its like payback time, you know. Before this, I was the one that was super busy trying to re-organize my messed up life. Keeping myself busy. And I sort of, not stayed in touch and I guess this is karma. Sucks big time, I tell ya! But doesn't it count that I was going through hell and I really didn't feel like talking to anyone. I just kept myself busy. I didn't want to allow my brain to even take a moment and think about the problems I was facing. I just wanted to keep on going until my body hurt like mad and all I needed to do was sleep. No thinking. Just sleep. I guess he couldn't have known it. How could he. So I guess he assumed the worst, that I had forgotten him. Maybe I did for a while. Maybe in the midst of trying to drown all my pain away, I accidentally drowned our friendship too. Let it be known, that, I didn't do that intentionally. I swear on my pinky finger. Not in my conscious mind that is. It just happened. Life overwhelmed me and I just caved in. I looked happy. But you know like cotton candy...its all so fluffy and sweet but its full of false pretense. I'm talking about the size of that thing. If you squish a cotton candy, you're left with nothing but a gooey, sticky, pink sticky thing that isn't pretty at all. So, that's how I was. Fill my life with tons of really happy looking things and bam! I am a ball of a perdy (pretty) Cotton Candy. Hence, the cotton candy metaphor. Hehe. But in fact, in reality, I wasn't the least happy. I was so miserable the whole year. I was waiting for lightning to strike me and blast the life out of me. But my dear, dear Aidan always kicked some senses into me. I was thinking. If I died, Aidan will have no momma. Now, I could never forgive myself if I died before my time and don't get to see my boy grow up into the man that he could be. So, yeap...put dying on hold. That was my plan. Lol.
Getting back to my story. I think karma came and nipped ma'behind. Yeap. Now, my friend has no time for me. And he's preoccupied with his life. Fair enough. So, I'm at a crossroad where I don't know what to do with him. Should I let him go and live his dreams. Or. Should I wait until he realizes that he is about to lose me as a friend and wakes up (if he ever does? now thats a new debate). Or maybe, I should just move on like he did. Turn the other way and move in the opposite direction. Oh gawd, did I just come up with a solution there? Dang! Now I have to do what I just said cause that's the only rational solution. Damn you brain! I was hoping to be confused for a while to put that on hold. Oh well. Life goes on. So, let's see the outcome. Ta-ta fer now ^_^
