They say that as we move along this journey of life, we'll make some friends and lose some in the process and those who stay are usually the ones that will last your lifetime. I have made many friends in my life, and its sad to say that I have lost, not one, but many. When I say lost, it means we ended our friendship in the most painful way possible. And many of those involves, us not seeing eye to eye or let our emotions as well as our egos get in the way of that friendship.
Its not easy to keep friends. Its a rare thing to find someone that just gets you and stands by you even through the ugliest part of your life. And they are those who choose to just stay mad at you and as time goes by, they forget you and all the good times that both of you shared throughout the years. I'm not pointing out anyone particular in my life, I'm just saying it in general. I presume this happens to most people. Though I have come to terms with this, it still hurts nevertheless when it happens. You try your best to play your part, but when your best isn't enough then, all you can do is let go. You can't force your way into people's life and make them forgive you. You just can't. They have to want it. And what sucks the most is, they're the one that has to give you that closure. And we all know, there is no peace of mind without that "closure". It is like the air we breathe. We need it to move on with life. Though the pain may fade, the memory of that experience still lives in you and its like reliving that experience all over again every time you think about it. You remember the pain. And it makes you flinch in agony. So, you sit there and think to yourself, "Should I pretend it doesn't bother me?". Sure it won't. When you're not thinking about it and keep yourself really occupied with other matters in your life. But what if you see that person one day, do you pretend to be all friendly as if nothing happened..or do you pretend you don't know them and ignore them altogether. The situation is so redonculous! Cause all I wanna do is say sorry but would that matter at all? Even if it was not wholly my fault? There is a point where you have to forgive if that person really matters to you, you know. Oh, epiphany. So, when someone refuses to forgive you, they actually don't care about you at all cause they let their ego come first instead of the friendship. Hmmm...
Its not an easy matter to come to terms with. Its hard. Losing a friend hurts more than anyone can comprehend unless they themselves goes through that. You think to yourself, "All those time we had together, doesn't it count for something, didn't it mean anything at all?". It echoes through your life and you will never, ever forget a thing like that. And in some ways or another, trust issues surfaces, fear of commitment forms, and worse of all, you feel like shit cause it makes you feel like you're a useless friend. That itself, is a hard hit on your self-esteem.
But being Miss Optimistic, I try to see things as "glass half-full" instead of "half-empty". At least I learn to be more careful about who to trust and have a better judgment of people who are worth my time and love. But still...it hurts to know that you've lost such a good friend. And worse, we move on with our life "like we never cared at all" v_v (sniff)...
