Wednesday, May 2, 2012
::...Random...::
I spent almost an hour redesigning my blog layout. Hated the former look. I must say it was a sure time-killer. Its just a way for me to find inspiration of what to blog about. I did have a rough evening yesterday, despite the holiday, my day..was pretty much depressing. The only joy was the fact that my hubby made it home, if only for a day. Well, I'm off now. I need to inspire myself by reading other blogs I'm following. So, TTFN ^_^.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
::...What is this?...::
Okay people...you know those moments where you just can't put a finger on what you're going through exactly...yeap. I'm going through those moments. And it's damn frustrating cause if I know what's bugging me, then I can find a solution but heck no! I don't know what it is so how in the world am I suppose to find a damn cure. Dang it!
Its like I'm waiting. Waiting for what? I don't know. Its like my life is stuck. It wants to move and do something but my life is jammed up a tube that has no exit. You know what I mean. But somehow, I think I'm getting a picture of the biggest bugger...no, not booger...but bugger, that is messing up my main brain system. And my heart. There's this one "friend" that keeps popping into my head. And I hate the fact that I let that "friend" into my life. No regret, just annoyed. Oh, my so called "friend" is having the time of his life now. Sure. And now, I am forgotten. Its like payback time, you know. Before this, I was the one that was super busy trying to re-organize my messed up life. Keeping myself busy. And I sort of, not stayed in touch and I guess this is karma. Sucks big time, I tell ya! But doesn't it count that I was going through hell and I really didn't feel like talking to anyone. I just kept myself busy. I didn't want to allow my brain to even take a moment and think about the problems I was facing. I just wanted to keep on going until my body hurt like mad and all I needed to do was sleep. No thinking. Just sleep. I guess he couldn't have known it. How could he. So I guess he assumed the worst, that I had forgotten him. Maybe I did for a while. Maybe in the midst of trying to drown all my pain away, I accidentally drowned our friendship too. Let it be known, that, I didn't do that intentionally. I swear on my pinky finger. Not in my conscious mind that is. It just happened. Life overwhelmed me and I just caved in. I looked happy. But you know like cotton candy...its all so fluffy and sweet but its full of false pretense. I'm talking about the size of that thing. If you squish a cotton candy, you're left with nothing but a gooey, sticky, pink sticky thing that isn't pretty at all. So, that's how I was. Fill my life with tons of really happy looking things and bam! I am a ball of a perdy (pretty) Cotton Candy. Hence, the cotton candy metaphor. Hehe. But in fact, in reality, I wasn't the least happy. I was so miserable the whole year. I was waiting for lightning to strike me and blast the life out of me. But my dear, dear Aidan always kicked some senses into me. I was thinking. If I died, Aidan will have no momma. Now, I could never forgive myself if I died before my time and don't get to see my boy grow up into the man that he could be. So, yeap...put dying on hold. That was my plan. Lol.
Getting back to my story. I think karma came and nipped ma'behind. Yeap. Now, my friend has no time for me. And he's preoccupied with his life. Fair enough. So, I'm at a crossroad where I don't know what to do with him. Should I let him go and live his dreams. Or. Should I wait until he realizes that he is about to lose me as a friend and wakes up (if he ever does? now thats a new debate). Or maybe, I should just move on like he did. Turn the other way and move in the opposite direction. Oh gawd, did I just come up with a solution there? Dang! Now I have to do what I just said cause that's the only rational solution. Damn you brain! I was hoping to be confused for a while to put that on hold. Oh well. Life goes on. So, let's see the outcome. Ta-ta fer now ^_^
Its like I'm waiting. Waiting for what? I don't know. Its like my life is stuck. It wants to move and do something but my life is jammed up a tube that has no exit. You know what I mean. But somehow, I think I'm getting a picture of the biggest bugger...no, not booger...but bugger, that is messing up my main brain system. And my heart. There's this one "friend" that keeps popping into my head. And I hate the fact that I let that "friend" into my life. No regret, just annoyed. Oh, my so called "friend" is having the time of his life now. Sure. And now, I am forgotten. Its like payback time, you know. Before this, I was the one that was super busy trying to re-organize my messed up life. Keeping myself busy. And I sort of, not stayed in touch and I guess this is karma. Sucks big time, I tell ya! But doesn't it count that I was going through hell and I really didn't feel like talking to anyone. I just kept myself busy. I didn't want to allow my brain to even take a moment and think about the problems I was facing. I just wanted to keep on going until my body hurt like mad and all I needed to do was sleep. No thinking. Just sleep. I guess he couldn't have known it. How could he. So I guess he assumed the worst, that I had forgotten him. Maybe I did for a while. Maybe in the midst of trying to drown all my pain away, I accidentally drowned our friendship too. Let it be known, that, I didn't do that intentionally. I swear on my pinky finger. Not in my conscious mind that is. It just happened. Life overwhelmed me and I just caved in. I looked happy. But you know like cotton candy...its all so fluffy and sweet but its full of false pretense. I'm talking about the size of that thing. If you squish a cotton candy, you're left with nothing but a gooey, sticky, pink sticky thing that isn't pretty at all. So, that's how I was. Fill my life with tons of really happy looking things and bam! I am a ball of a perdy (pretty) Cotton Candy. Hence, the cotton candy metaphor. Hehe. But in fact, in reality, I wasn't the least happy. I was so miserable the whole year. I was waiting for lightning to strike me and blast the life out of me. But my dear, dear Aidan always kicked some senses into me. I was thinking. If I died, Aidan will have no momma. Now, I could never forgive myself if I died before my time and don't get to see my boy grow up into the man that he could be. So, yeap...put dying on hold. That was my plan. Lol.
Getting back to my story. I think karma came and nipped ma'behind. Yeap. Now, my friend has no time for me. And he's preoccupied with his life. Fair enough. So, I'm at a crossroad where I don't know what to do with him. Should I let him go and live his dreams. Or. Should I wait until he realizes that he is about to lose me as a friend and wakes up (if he ever does? now thats a new debate). Or maybe, I should just move on like he did. Turn the other way and move in the opposite direction. Oh gawd, did I just come up with a solution there? Dang! Now I have to do what I just said cause that's the only rational solution. Damn you brain! I was hoping to be confused for a while to put that on hold. Oh well. Life goes on. So, let's see the outcome. Ta-ta fer now ^_^
Saturday, January 29, 2011
::...Like We Never Cared At All...::
They say that as we move along this journey of life, we'll make some friends and lose some in the process and those who stay are usually the ones that will last your lifetime. I have made many friends in my life, and its sad to say that I have lost, not one, but many. When I say lost, it means we ended our friendship in the most painful way possible. And many of those involves, us not seeing eye to eye or let our emotions as well as our egos get in the way of that friendship.
Its not easy to keep friends. Its a rare thing to find someone that just gets you and stands by you even through the ugliest part of your life. And they are those who choose to just stay mad at you and as time goes by, they forget you and all the good times that both of you shared throughout the years. I'm not pointing out anyone particular in my life, I'm just saying it in general. I presume this happens to most people. Though I have come to terms with this, it still hurts nevertheless when it happens. You try your best to play your part, but when your best isn't enough then, all you can do is let go. You can't force your way into people's life and make them forgive you. You just can't. They have to want it. And what sucks the most is, they're the one that has to give you that closure. And we all know, there is no peace of mind without that "closure". It is like the air we breathe. We need it to move on with life. Though the pain may fade, the memory of that experience still lives in you and its like reliving that experience all over again every time you think about it. You remember the pain. And it makes you flinch in agony. So, you sit there and think to yourself, "Should I pretend it doesn't bother me?". Sure it won't. When you're not thinking about it and keep yourself really occupied with other matters in your life. But what if you see that person one day, do you pretend to be all friendly as if nothing happened..or do you pretend you don't know them and ignore them altogether. The situation is so redonculous! Cause all I wanna do is say sorry but would that matter at all? Even if it was not wholly my fault? There is a point where you have to forgive if that person really matters to you, you know. Oh, epiphany. So, when someone refuses to forgive you, they actually don't care about you at all cause they let their ego come first instead of the friendship. Hmmm...
Its not an easy matter to come to terms with. Its hard. Losing a friend hurts more than anyone can comprehend unless they themselves goes through that. You think to yourself, "All those time we had together, doesn't it count for something, didn't it mean anything at all?". It echoes through your life and you will never, ever forget a thing like that. And in some ways or another, trust issues surfaces, fear of commitment forms, and worse of all, you feel like shit cause it makes you feel like you're a useless friend. That itself, is a hard hit on your self-esteem.
But being Miss Optimistic, I try to see things as "glass half-full" instead of "half-empty". At least I learn to be more careful about who to trust and have a better judgment of people who are worth my time and love. But still...it hurts to know that you've lost such a good friend. And worse, we move on with our life "like we never cared at all" v_v (sniff)...
Its not easy to keep friends. Its a rare thing to find someone that just gets you and stands by you even through the ugliest part of your life. And they are those who choose to just stay mad at you and as time goes by, they forget you and all the good times that both of you shared throughout the years. I'm not pointing out anyone particular in my life, I'm just saying it in general. I presume this happens to most people. Though I have come to terms with this, it still hurts nevertheless when it happens. You try your best to play your part, but when your best isn't enough then, all you can do is let go. You can't force your way into people's life and make them forgive you. You just can't. They have to want it. And what sucks the most is, they're the one that has to give you that closure. And we all know, there is no peace of mind without that "closure". It is like the air we breathe. We need it to move on with life. Though the pain may fade, the memory of that experience still lives in you and its like reliving that experience all over again every time you think about it. You remember the pain. And it makes you flinch in agony. So, you sit there and think to yourself, "Should I pretend it doesn't bother me?". Sure it won't. When you're not thinking about it and keep yourself really occupied with other matters in your life. But what if you see that person one day, do you pretend to be all friendly as if nothing happened..or do you pretend you don't know them and ignore them altogether. The situation is so redonculous! Cause all I wanna do is say sorry but would that matter at all? Even if it was not wholly my fault? There is a point where you have to forgive if that person really matters to you, you know. Oh, epiphany. So, when someone refuses to forgive you, they actually don't care about you at all cause they let their ego come first instead of the friendship. Hmmm...
Its not an easy matter to come to terms with. Its hard. Losing a friend hurts more than anyone can comprehend unless they themselves goes through that. You think to yourself, "All those time we had together, doesn't it count for something, didn't it mean anything at all?". It echoes through your life and you will never, ever forget a thing like that. And in some ways or another, trust issues surfaces, fear of commitment forms, and worse of all, you feel like shit cause it makes you feel like you're a useless friend. That itself, is a hard hit on your self-esteem.
But being Miss Optimistic, I try to see things as "glass half-full" instead of "half-empty". At least I learn to be more careful about who to trust and have a better judgment of people who are worth my time and love. But still...it hurts to know that you've lost such a good friend. And worse, we move on with our life "like we never cared at all" v_v (sniff)...
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
::...when it hurts...::
...just pray. Even when you don't know what to do, pray. It may sound too simple and your pain might still sting, don't stop praying. If God puts you through it, He'll see you through it. Trust in Him...always.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
:: Is it the end...? ::
...of the year already?! Oh, if you don't know how to read my post. Just read from the title and continue on here. Ok? Shall I continue?
So many things have happened and the lazy side of me doesn't want to go through the hassle of typing every single detail down. Opps...getting lazy now. I think I may have to stop right here cause I'm getting finger cramps. Hahahaha...stewpid. Done.
So many things have happened and the lazy side of me doesn't want to go through the hassle of typing every single detail down. Opps...getting lazy now. I think I may have to stop right here cause I'm getting finger cramps. Hahahaha...stewpid. Done.
Friday, May 21, 2010
::...wtf...::
Argh!!! I wanna vent. Please, can I? Part of me hates de very existence of Facebook. I just hate it when I come across uncomfortable, hurtful, suspicious comments! Right now, I wanna cry. Yes, I do. Argh! Is there any way to remove these feelings inside surgically? Huh?...Please do inform me if there is. LOL. AMY DANGIN! Help. Okay lah. 'Nuff said. -end-
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
PERfECt tWO -AUBURN
(I seriously LURVE this song. . .sigh)
PERFECT TWO by AUBURN
You can the peanut butter to my jelly
You can be the butterflies I feel in my belly
You can can be the captain
I can be your first mate
You can be the chills that I feel on our first date
You can be the hero
I can be your side kick
You can be the tear
That I cry if we ever split
You can be the rain from the cloud when it's stormin
Or u can be the sun when it shines in the mornin
Don't know if I could ever be
W/out u cause boy u complete me
And in time I know that we'll both see
That we're all we need
Cause you're the apple to my pie
You're th straw to my berry
You're the smoke to my high
And you're the one I wanna marry
Cause you're the one for me (for me )
And I'm the one for you (for u)
U take th both of (of us)
And we're the perfect two
We're the perfect two
We're the perfect two
Baby me and you
We're the perfect two
Verse2
You can be the prince and I can be your princess
You can be the sweet tooth I can be the dentist
You can be the shoes and I can be the laces
You can be the heart that I spill on the pages
You can be the vodka and I can be the chaser
You can be the pencil and I can be the paper
You can be as cold as the winter weather
But I don't care as long as were together
Don't know if I could ever be
W/out u cause boy u complete me
And in time I know that we'll both see
That we're all we need
Cause your the apple to my pie
You're the straw to my berry
You're the smoke to my high
And you're the one I wanna marry
Cause your the one for me (for me)
And I'm the one for you (for u)
U take th both of us (of us)
And we're the perfect two
We're the perfect two
We're the perfect two
Baby me and you
We're the perfect two
Bridge
You know that I'll never doubt ya
And you know that I think about ya
And you know I can't live without ya
I love the way that u smile
And maybe in just a while
I can see me walk down the aisle
Cause your the apple to my pie
You're the straw to my berry
You're the smoke to my high
And you're the one I wanna marry
Cause your the one for me (for me)
And I'm the one for you (for u)
U take th both of us of us (of us)
And were the perfect two
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